The Most Important Night of the Week: Date Night

Some of the best advice my husband and I received before we were married was to always make time for each other, alone, without kids, just the two of us. In the beginning, before our little monsters came along, every night was date night. We made special meals, we went out for fun outings, and we had conversations about who we wanted to be and what we wanted to become. It was easy then. Now, we have to plan for a babysitter, get dressed up, go out to eat and by the time we sit down to eat and glance at our watches we realize it's way past our bedtime and we are exhausted just from the journey to get to the restaurant.

We decided once the kids came along it was more work to go out to a fancy dinner and what we really craved was time with each other, it wasn't about where we went or what we wore any longer. I've been told by many successfully married couples who are approaching their 40th and 50th anniversaries that the hardest times on a marriage are the years between your 10th-20th anniversaries. This is when the kids are little, you play the role of chauffeur, shoe tier, bather, cook, laundress, and snot wiper. Let's face it, your life revolves around teaching these little creatures to take care of themselves and very little of you is left at the end of the day to give to your spouse. If you aren't careful in devoting "non-kid focused" time with your spouse you could find yourself with an empty nest and nothing left to talk about with each other.

This advice we received at the beginning of our relationship has stuck with us and we devote one night a week, usually Friday or Saturday night, to date night. We don't go out, we stay in. We feed the kids left overs in front of a movie (they love this and look forward to it almost more than we do). While the kids are watching their movie, the grown ups are having a glass of wine in the kitchen, cooking dinner together and decompressing. When dinner is ready, we put the kids to bed and eat a quiet dinner together. many nights we stay up way past our bedtime just talking about our lives. One rule we do have about date night is No Kid Talk. We don't discuss what the kids are doing, who they are friends with, their school activities, etc. We spend this night talking about ourselves, our lives, our dreams, us. So much of our days are already filled with what the kids are doing, this is our time to reconnect and remember why we started this crazy life together.

I encourage you to set aside a time with your significant other and reconnect. Put it on the calendar if you need to. Don't schedule anything else over it. Happy hour at work or a double date with friends can wait. Your kids will thank you when they are older that you took the time to not focus on them and focus on your relationship with your partner. I know I'm thankful my parents did, they are about to celebrate their 37th anniversary.

Here are a few books that I've enjoyed about marriages and parenting:
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman
Marriage Matters by Tony Evans
Scream-Free Parenting by Hal Edward Runkel



Ok, now to the recipe. These Clam Steamers are delicious and my favorite part is dipping the crusty bread in the broth. This meal is so quick once you've cleaned the clams, you can make it in 15 minutes; so put the kids to bed before you start this meal.

Littleneck clams can be very sandy so they require a little cleaning. If any clams are open, give them a squeeze and they should close back up tightly. If they don't close, throw them away, they are no longer alive. With a stiff vegetable brush, scrub the outside of each clam under running water and place in a large bowl. A colander set inside the bowl can make for easy clam removal later. 

Fill the bowl with very cold water (if it's a hot day, add some ice cubes) and let them soak for 30 minutes. Remove the clams from the water by scooping them out or pulling out the colander. Discard the water from the bowl and rinse out any sediment in the bottom. Return the clams to the bowl and fill with cold water and soak for another 30 minutes. This process may be repeated several times, the goal is to get clear, sediment-free water after soaking. I usually repeat the process for a total of 4 soakings. 

When the clams are clean, and the kids are in bed, melt 2 tablespoons of butter in a large stock pot. Saute the leeks and garlic until softened and transparent. 

Add the wine and vegetable stock (or water) to the pot. Bring to a full boil.

Add the drained littleneck clams and give it a good stir. Place a tight fitting lid on the pot and steam on medium heat for 10-12 minutes. Discard any clams do not open. 

Serve with a fresh, green salad, crusty bread and a crisp white wine. 

Clam Steamers

Ingredients:

3-4 pounds Littleneck clams, cleaned

2 Tbs. butter

1 large leek, light green and white parts only, diced

1 clove garlic, minced

1 cup dry white wine, Pinot Grigio or Sauvignon Blanc

1 cup vegetable stock or water

lemon wedges for serving

parsley chopped, for serving

In a large stock pot, melt butter over medium heat. Saute leeks and garlic until soft and transparent. Add wine and vegetable stock and bring to a full boil. Stir in cleaned clams and bring to a boil. Close lid and steam for 10-12 minutes. Discard any clams that do not open. Sprinkle with parsley and serve with lemon wedges and a crusty French bread.